


Cool Boy and Cold Heart

by bluegirl317



Category: My Engineer (TV), My Engineer (TV) RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 08:33:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24348043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluegirl317/pseuds/bluegirl317
Summary: Ram bared open his heart and broke down his wall for King only to be pushed away in the end.
Relationships: King/Ram (My Engineer)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 110





	1. Chapter 1

Being a cold, quiet guy that he is, it's hard for him to get close to people. Some people would have misperception about him before they even bothered to get to know him and some people just avoid him right away. 

When King approached him and made an effort to get close to him, he had his doubts. It threw him off that someone as famous and as kind as King would even bother trying to talk to him but the senior's persistent effort managed to break down the wall that he built around himself, but only for him. 

He wanted to care for King the same way King cared for him. He thought he was as special to King as King was to him. But after what happened, being pushed away after he has bared open his heart, he suppose he was wrong. Maybe King was the same as everyone else, approaching him just because they found him 'interesting' and leaving him out cold when they get bored of him. 

He suppose it was his fault though. For opening up to King and allowing King to see the real him.For thinking and hoping that King was different, that he actually cared. After all, he was just a weird, boring person that deserve the loneliness he was in. 

"You don't have to look after me tomorrow. You should spend your time with your friends. I'll be with mine too. " King's tone was as kind as always but Ram heard the 'I don't want you around' message in it. And after King pushed him away when all he wanted to do was lay close to him and warm him up, he knew King was done with him. 

After what happened that night, Ram made a conscious effort to stay away from King. It was quite hard at first, since his eyes would find King on instinct and more often than not, he would meet King's eyes as well and the blank look on his face reminds him that the senior was done with him. But as more time passed by, he found that he would avoid King on instinct, even avoiding the places that he knew King would always go to so when he came across King at the place where he would usually feed the dogs, he froze and after a moment, made a move to get away from there when King's words stopped him. 

"Ai'Ning! Long time no see! "King greeted him cheerfully, smiling as he walk over to him. 

Instead of feeling happy however, Ram felt angry. How dare King talk to him and pretend like he never pushed him away after he had bared his heart to him. 

"Are you feeding the dogs? "King asked but stopped in his track when Ram took a step backward away from him, the junior's face stoic and cold, just like the first time he met him. 

"Ai'Ning? "He said unsurely and Ram flung his gaze away. "... Ram? "He tried again. 

Not saying a word, Ram picked up the bag of dog food from the ground and calmly strode away, leaving King who didn't realize that there were dogs approaching him.


	2. Ignorance

"You don't have to look after me tomorrow. You should spend your time with your friends. I'll be with mine too. " 

There was a silence that stretched after King said that and although he tried not to look at him, King found himself glancing at Ram who's laying down beside him. The junior was staring ahead, his face unreadable and King let out a sigh as he closed his eyes, willing himself to go back to sleep. 

The next day, Ram really did spend his time with his friends and although at first he caught him stealing glances and even staring, as the day progress, Ram seem to just ignore him completely. And that ignorance persists. 

After the camping trip, Ram has stopped interacting with King. They crossed path sometimes, being in the same faculty and all but the junior didn't bother giving him a nod of acknowledgement or even glancing at his direction like he usually would. 

And King, he didn't bother trying to communicate either, not when he still needed to understand his own feelings. 

As more time passes however, Ram seem to just disappear completely. King no longer see him at the places that he would usually be; the library, the park. He never even see him with his group of friends anymore. 

"Where's Ram? "He knew he had no right to ask but after weeks of not seeing Ram around, not even with his group of friends, King couldn't hide his concern and curiousity anymore. 

Tang looked up at the senior in surprise. "Oh, P'King. Ram went straight home after class. " he told him. "Speaking of which, he's pretty busy these days so he doesn't spend much time with us but if you need to talk to him, I'm sure he have the time. "He said helpfully but King shook his head. 

"What's he busy with? "

Tang shrugged. "He never told us, P' ". 

Nodding, King thanked him and walked away with a heavier heart than before. 

He really didn't mean to push Ram away. It's just that when he first approached him, it was with the intention of simply making friends with him but the more he got to know him, his feelings changed. 

He didnt know when exactly but as Ram started to return his affection and care for him, he became scared. Scared that his feelings might grow. Scared that he might misunderstand Ram's affection as something else. Scared that he might cross a line and betray the trust that Ram gave him by taking advantage of it, by hoping something more from him. 

He was still unsure of his feelings but now that Ram had gone completely from his life, he realized that he needed him,he wanted him. One way or another. 

Returning home earlier that day due to canceled classes, King didn't expect to see Ram but he did. Ram was feeding the dogs as he normally would and while King didn't plan to approach or even greet him, the relief that filled him as he saw Ram for the first time in almost a month made his mouth run faster than his brain. 

"Ai'Ning! Long time no see! " 

King tried to ignore the way Ram stiffened at the sound of his voice but the anger that was suddenly evident on the junior's face made him flinch internally but since he had already greeted him, he decided to act like nothing happened between them because addressing the situation would just be awkward. 

"Are you feeding the dogs? "He asked, keeping his voice casual as he walked closer but when Ram visibly took a step away from him, he stopped. 

"Ai'Ning? "He hated how he was unable to hide the hurt from his voice. 

Ram looked away. 

"... Ram? " It would be a lie if he said his heart didn't drop at Ram's reaction but as Ram turned around and walked away, his heart just shattered. 

He stared at Ram's disappearing back until he felt a nudge against his leg and he wearily look down only to see two huge dogs staring up at him. 

All rationality seem to leave his mind as fear consumed him and without a second thought, he ran after Ram, screaming his heart out. 

"Ai'Ning! Help! "


	3. Apologies

"Ai'Ning! Help! "

Ran stopped in his track when he felt a grab on his arm and turning around, he realised that it was King, gripping his arm tightly and burying his face against Ram's shoulder, shaking in fear as the two dogs be was feeding earlier continued to bark at him. 

Ram may be angry. But he wasn't heartless. He knew what it was like to have a crippling fear. 

Turning to the dogs, Ram glared at them and shooed them away, which made them whine but in the end, they still left. 

Sensing that the dogs were gone, King slowly lift his head. "... Thanks, Ai'Ning. "He said quietly, his face red but Ram was unsure of what. 

Ram didn't reply but he looked down at King's hand which was still gripping his arm. Not thinking twice, he grabbed it and forcefully made King let go of his arm. 

King was surprised but he said nothing and neither did Ram who immediately left, not seeing as a bruise started to bloom on the area where he grabbed King on. 

After what happened that day, King realised that he had messed up badly. He realised he hurt Ram when he pushed him away and now Ram was probably angry at him and even hate him. But he also realized that he never wanted to lose him though he may have already lost him. 

So that day, he asked for the lecturer' permission to leave early from class and being the bright student that he was, the lecturer easily let him leave. 

Running as if his life depended on it, King rushed to that park he last met Ram at and true enough, the junior was there, seated at the table with his assignment with a dog laying by his feet. 

"Hey, Ai'Ning! "

Ram looked up at him, displeasure clear as the day on his face but King ignored it as he sat next to him, making sure to put a distance between him and the dog. 

Ram didn't react, he simply look back down at his work but the grip he had on his pen tighten. 

"Are you doing work? Do you need help? "King offered, reaching for one of the papers scattered on the table but before he could actually look at it, Ram snatched it away from him with a scowl on his face. 

"You've got it? Okay then. "King chuckles, trying his best to hide the pain from the rejection but it still bled through his laugh, making it sound like he's choking on something instead. 

Ram heard it, of course. But he paid it no mind. 

"Do you want to grab some drinks later? I heard there's a new cafe near your dorm? " King asked, still not giving up yet Ram continue to stay in silence. 

"If you don't answer then that means you agree. " King concluded and Ram finally gave a reaction. 

He huffed. 

"Leave me alone. " 3 words. 3 short words after about a month in complete silence. 

King was struck. That was not what he expected to hear. Sucking in a deep breath, he mustered a smile. "Aw, Ai'Ning... Are you really willing to let me drink alone? I'll be so lonely I could die. " he joked, nudging Ram's shoulder playfully only for the latter to glare at him. 

"Don't joke about death. " Ram said flatly as he scooted as far away from King as he could. 

King sighed. "I'm sorry then. "He murmured but again, Ram ignored him. 

"You're mad at me, huh? " he whispered to himself although the answer is obvious. 

"i hurt you a lot, didn't I? You must hate me now. " he said, glancing at Ram who had absolutely no reaction on his face. 

"I'm sorry, Ai'Ning. Will you forgive me? " he apologized earnestly. 

Ram finally turn to look at him properly. "Why are you apologizing? "He demanded, the unexpressed anger evident in the way he gritted his teeth. 

"I--" King swallowed, a tinge of fear coursing through his body at the intense anger radiating from Ram. 

"You did nothing wrong. There's nothing to apologize for. "

King blinked in disbelief at the words Ram just said. "But I --" 

"It was me who was stupid to believe that you were different. I took your kindness for granted. I annoyed you with my concern. The one who should apologize is me. " 

King was rendered speechless. If not for the shock and the turmoil of emotion that he was experiencing, he would be amazed at how much Ram said since it was probably the longest he had ever said to him. "Ai'Ning, no! You don't --"

Ram stood up and gathered his things from the table before looking straight into King's eyes. "We're strangers now, P'. There's no need for you to concern yourself about me anymore and j would like it if you stop appearing in front of me. "

King was still taking his time to process the words when Ram started to walk away. His mind spun with different thoughts and his heart ached in desperation. And before he knew it, he said it. He said, no yelled, the reason for him pushing Ram away in the first place. 

"Ai'Ning! Ram! I love you! "


	4. Confession

"Ai'Ning! Ram! I love you! "

Ram froze as he heard that and King allowed himself to hope, just a little bit, that his junior shares even the tiniest feeling for him. 

He waited, not moving a muscle, not even daring to breathe as he hoped, wished, prayed, for Ram to say something, anything. Or at least to spare him a glance but when Ram simply walked away without any indication that he even heard him except for that brief pause, he swore he could hear his heart breaking. 

After the abrupt confession in which Ram gave no response to, Ram no longer sees King around anymore but then again, that's not a new thing since he usually avoid him anyway. Plus, he needed the space because now, he was having doubt about his own feelings. 

He started wondering why was he so mad when King pushed him away. Was it really because he felt hurt that the senior betrayed his trust after he had opened up to him? Was he really just disappointed that King was just like everyone else that he hated? Leaving him after they have broken down his wall? 

Or was it... Because he loved him too? Is that why he was so mad, so angry at King? 

Shaking his head, Ram tried to get the thought out of his head. It's impossible. He can't possibly have feelings for his senior, he's probably just confused. 

"What are you thinking about? " Phu asked, sitting down next to him at the table, a plate of food and a glass of drink in his hands. "You're frowning as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. "

Ram merely shook his head, not even bothering to give an answer when Duen suddenly came out of nowhere and sat at the table with a pout on his face. 

"I thought you're having lunch with P'Bohn? " Tingting asked and Duen' s pout deepened. 

"He can't make it. He said he needs to look after P'King. "He whined and Ram hated how he perked up at that certain name. 

"Look after P'King? What's wrong with him? " Phu asked and Ram secretly thanked him in his head for asking the question he was meaning to ask. 

Duen shrugged. "P'Bohn said P'King hasn't been coming to class for a week now. He's probably sick, I don't know. "

And Ram felt a tinge of pain in his heart. 

He didn't know how or why but as he cycled back from class that day, Ram found himself stopping in front of King's apartment building and as if on instinct, the next thing he knew, he was already standing in front of King's unit but now he was unsure of what to do. 

Does he knock? But King was probably not inside . If the senior was sick, then he had probably went back home. 

Despite his brain telling him that, Ram's feet stayed unmoving and he stood there in front of the door for who knows how long until a voice startled him out of his internal turmoil. 

"Ram? What are you doing here? " It was Boss, someone Ram remembered as one of King's close friends. 

Ram didn't answer, he merely stared at him and noticed that he was holding a food package of what looked like porridge in his hand as he scurried through his bag, as if looking for something. 

Hearing no response, Boss chuckled as he finally look up from his bag. "Ah. I forgot you're just like Mek. You don't like to talk. "He chided, pulling out a bundle of keys from his bag and using one of it to unlock the door. 

Ram continued to stay silent but Boss seemed to understand anyway. 

"You're looking for King? He's inside but he's not feeling well so I don't think he can help you with your homeworks if that's what you're here for. "

Ram shook his head at that and Boss raised an eyebrow. 

"Oh? Then did you come to visit him? "

Ram was hesitant at first but then he finally nodded. 

Boss smiled then he opened the door for him. "Come in then. He's in his room. "He said before making his way to the kitchen. 

Ram stayed there in the hallway. Unsure of what he was doing. He's hesitant on going to see King after what happened between them last time. In the midst of his thoughts, he was startled by a loud ringing of phone and he turned around to see Boss talking to someone on his phone. 

"Ram! I need to leave right now. Something urgent came up. " Boss said, phone still against his ear as he picked up his bag from where he dropped them on the floor. "Can you help me? Give King his food? I've heated it up. And his medicine is in the drawer beside the fridge. "He informed, giving Ram a quick pat on the shoulder before hurriedly rushing out.   
"Oh, and lock the door before you leave! "He reminded, poking his head through the door before slamming it close. 

Ram blinked at the closed door, taking his time to process what just happened. He wasn't even sure he wanted to see King but now he had to give him his food? And make him take his medicine? Just what have he gotten himself into? 

He wasn't ready to meet King, not yet. And at the moment, he was so tempted to just turn around and leave but his conscience won't allow him to do it. He was not the same as King, he won't betray anyone's trust on him. Boss had trusted him of the task of giving King his food and medicine so be was going to do just that. 

Lips pressed in a thin line, Ram placed his bag on the couch before making his way into the kitchen, a place he's more than familiar with since he did stayed there for quite some time. 

Grabbing the bow of heated porridge, he placed it on a tray along with a glass of water and medicine before slowly making his way towards King's room. 

He knocked. Once. Twice. But there was no answer so he slowly opened the door to see a lump on the bed, completely covered by the thick comforter. 

Inhaling sharply, he placed the tray on the bedside table. "I brought your food and medicine. "He said flatly, hoping that King was awake and could hear him but sensing no movement from underneath the comforter, he sighed. 

Carefully, he reached over and grabbed the comforter to uncover the person underneath it but was shocked when he realized that King was indeed awake. 

And he was staring straight at Ram. But there was no emotion in his eyes and no expression on his face.


End file.
